


The Westchester Department of Parks and Recreation

by paradiamond



Category: Parks and Recreation, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Gen, M/M, crossover AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-27
Updated: 2012-04-27
Packaged: 2017-11-04 09:47:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/392474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradiamond/pseuds/paradiamond
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles wants to change the world one park at a time. Erik wants to stop the waste of tax-payer money. Angel just wants to go home. This is the Westchester Department of Parks and Recreation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Westchester Department of Parks and Recreation

“So this is city hall, one of the most historical and well-preserved buildings in Westchester.” The camera pans up to try to get a shot of the entire mansion but can’t quite fit all of it into the frame. It returns to Charles, gesturing excitedly to the building. 

“It actually used to be a private residence, but was reclaimed by the the state in 1920 after the owners, in fear of enemy invasion during the first world war, abandoned it in 1915 and it was overtaken by wildlife.” He nods and pulls open the front door and starts into the building, pausing to let a girl with dark hair and a lot of eye makeup exit. 

She stops, giving the camera a look then glancing back at Charles questioningly. “Are you making a movie?” 

Charles smiles and shakes his head. “No.” He turns to the camera. “Oh, this is Angel Salvadore, she works in Parks and Recreation with me, and is a credit to the department.” Angel raises an eyebrow. Charles turns back to her.

“The city is making a documentary about local government, and wants to use our department for most of the footage.” He smiles widely at her. 

Angel looks genuinely confused. She gives the camera a critical look. “Why?”

Charles laughs good naturedly and turns to the camera. “Angel is so funny, she’s always making jokes. She’s like the comedian of the office.” Behind him, Angel gives a slow shake of her head. 

“Well, we had best be getting a move on, or Angel will talk our heads off all day.” He gives her a friendly shoulder pat and moves into the building. She stares after him for a second and then looks back at the camera.

The scene cuts to Angel standing in a brightly lit, poster covered hallway. 

“Charles is under the impression that I have just as much enthusiasm for this job as he does.” She looks right into the lens. “But I really, really don’t.” 

It switches back to Charles, a little ways into the entrance hall, walking backwards and addressing the camera. “Interestingly, the reason that it took so long for the state to take the building back was because the family were infamous animal lovers, so people didn’t even realize at first what was going on.” The camera pans to the multitude of animal portraits and murals in the hall. 

“The family, which was very powerful, is the reason Westchester has many anti-animal cruelty and hunting laws, so for a while, even after it was legally re-claimed, the building remained inhabited.” He gestures around at the entrance way. “People tell stories of trying to work around nests of birds and raccoons. I’m told local government jobs were actually considered to be quite dangerous at that time.”

He stops and turns all the way around, smiling. “Obviously, that isn’t the case today.” He pauses. “Sorry? Oh, well, they did make quite a few nests and burrows and have a few ways in that we still haven’t been quite able to find, so we do get the occasional animal in the building, but I wouldn’t say it’s a problem, no.” He glances away, then back. “Lets gets a move on shall we?” 

The scene cuts to a different hallway. Charles is gesturing to a modern looking chair.

“Most of the interior of the house, the furnishings and all, was fairly destroyed by the animals by the time it became a government building, so they had to replace a lot of the house.” The camera trails over a door that has three long gashes down the center and a multitude of scratches near the bottom. Charles notices and stops.

“Oh, that’s, um.” He hesitates. “The Weschester historical society, which I might add is very important and beneficial to our city, I’m actually close friends with the chairwoman, Moira McTaggart, has rules that won’t let the city replace or change anything of the physical structure of the house.” He puts his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels slightly, looking uncomfortable.

“Which is fantastic! Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s very important to preserve history.” His gaze flickers over to the door. “But they won’t let us replace or fix any of the door, walls, or floors, which is the reason for the scratches, chew marks and the, ah, discoloration in some areas.” He lapses into silence, staring off to the side. 

The scene jumps to Charles standing in front of one of the animal murals. “The family? Well, that’s- no they didn’t return. They actually, ah, died on the run.” He shifts, looking uncomfortable. He glances back at the camera. “Sorry? Oh, how did they die? Well, they were killed by, um, animals.” He pauses and looks down, then back up. “Pardon?” He laughs nervously. “No, ah, it’s not a joke. That’s true.”

He glances back at the animal mural. “You’re not the first person to ask me that.” He looks at the camera, and then looks down.

***

“Do I like working with Charles?” Erik shifts in his chair and glances over at the window which takes up most of the right wall and shows the rest of the office. “Well, no. Which isn’t to say that I don’t like Charles, because I do, he’s been one of my good friends for many years. He’s just a major pain in the ass at times.” He shrugs. “I’m his boss, so I have the incredible misfortune of needing to reel in his enthusiasm for government projects.” He stands and walks around the desk to lean against it. 

“I don’t believe in government. I personally think that it’s a waste of taxpayer money. Charles and I have some...ideological differences that make working together difficult. He comes to me with plans and I tells him no.” He crosses his arms a slants a look at the window. “Oddly this hasn’t stopped him from bringing them to me. If he was anyone else, I probably would have fired him a long time ago, but Charles is the best worker this department has ever seen. He does all the things that make people hate government jobs, because he likes them. Everything I hate to do, he loves. He enjoys town hall meetings and four hour long conferences about things that no one else cares about.” He shrugs. “He also seems to actually care about the people in this town-” 

Erik looks over at the open door. The camera swivels and focuses on Charles, who’s leaning into the room like he’s about to run away. He smiles at the camera agreeably before turning his attention back to Erik. “I just wanted to ask you about the satellite dish? Have you read the report yet?” 

Erik shifts his weight and glances at the camera. “No, Charles, not yet.” 

Charles is not discouraged. “Ok, that’s fine. Just let me know when you do because I think it’s going to be a really great thing for the city.” He drums his hands on the door frame. Erik nods. 

Charles goes to leave, but comes back. “Oh, right, are we still on for tonight?” 

The camera switches back to Erik. His ears redden slightly. “Er, yes.” 

Charles visibly brightens. “Alright then, well I’ll let you get back to your interview.” He goes, the camera following him all the way back to his office before moving back to Erik, who isn’t looking at it. 

The scene shifts to Erik sitting behind his desk again. “Pardon?” He rolls his eyes. “The first time Charles came to me with a proposal, it was his first day working here, and I told him what I had always told the department, write me a full, illustrated, project plan with appendices, references, and a timeline. It was part of my strategy of asking for ridiculous levels of work from people, thus ensuring that nothing would ever come from this department.” Erik shifts in his chair and looks straight at the camera. 

“He did it. It was ten chapters long, with eight thousand pages. I have never asked him to do it ever again.” He glances over at the window. The camera follows and focuses on Charles, in his office, visible through the open door. It cuts back to Erik. “He does it every time.” 

He uncrosses his arms and stands, gesturing to the room. “I’ve designed this office as a symbol for how I feel about government.” He walks over to a wall with a glass case containing a knife mounted on it. “This is a knife that used to belong to a Nazi officer, my grandfather took it from him after the war.” He points to it. “That’s German for ‘blood and honor’.” He fixes the camera with a hard stare. “Something I don’t think this country has enough of.” 

He walks back over to his desk and sits down. “My desk is positioned to face the door. That way, when people come in here to ask me for things, they immediately have to deal with me staring them down.” He gestures in front of him. “Also notice that there is no chair in this room for people to sit down in. I don’t want people to feel like they can come in here and talk to me.” He stands up and walks to the far wall, gesturing to a framed photo.

“This is a picture of a shark, eating another shark. I tell people that it was there when I got here, but I put it next to the door so that it’s the last thing people see before they leave my office. It helps to encourage them not to come back.” 

“As a general rule, I work with some very uninspired, unmotivated people. Charles is the exception to the rule.” He points through the window to a blond boy sitting at a desk right outside his office. “That’s Alex, my personal assistant. I hired him specifically to keep people from bothering me.” He walks over to his desk and picks up the phone. “Watch.” 

He dials a number and looks back at the window. The camera follows his gaze, focusing on Alex, who has his feet up on the desk flicking paper footballs at Hank, who is studiously ignoring him. The phone on his desk rings. He reaches over, picks it up and drops it immediately back down again. The camera pans back to Erik, leaning back against his desk. 

“It was probably the best decision I’ve ever made.” 

The scene cuts to Alex, sitting at a table in the courtyard, his arms crossed.

“Yeah, I was in jail, and when I got out, most people weren’t too interested in hiring me, but Charles is a friend of my mother’s or something, which is how I got the internship.” He shrugs. “Which sucked because I pretty much had to follow him around all day and re-organize his idea binders and shit.” He shifts and reaches back to scratch his head.

“Except after it expired, Erik hired me to pretty much not do the job he hired me for, which is awesome. I basically get paid to not answer the phone and to tell people that he isn’t there.” He glances at a point above the camera.

“What do I do all day?” He uncrosses his arms and rests his elbows on the table behind him. “Uh, well, I bother Hank a lot, I guess. I take a lot of naps at the desk, I...make a lot of things out of sticky notes.” He shrugs. “I’m actually pretty good at that. What’s it called?” He sits for a second, glaring off to the side. The camera follows his gaze to a tipped trashcan. A possum crawls out of it and scampers away. “Origami.” The camera swivels back to Alex. “That’s what it’s called, and I’m good at it now.” He recrosses his arms. “And I guess I talk to Sean a lot, because he doesn’t really do his job either.” 

He stands up. “But yeah my break is over and I don’t really care about this, so.” He walks away, back into the house. The camera moves back over to the trashcan. The possum is back.

***

“Hello?” Raven strides into the room, looking around. Alex and Sean glance up from where they’re looking at a magazine on Alex’s desk. 

Sean calls out. “Hey Raven” She walks over to them. In the background, the camera focuses on Hank walking into the room holding a stack of papers, spotting Raven, and backing out again. Alex snorts. 

She sits down on the desk. “Charles around?” 

Alex glances at Sean, who shakes his head. “No, he went up to Department of Agriculture to try and negotiate some project with the satellite.” 

Raven hums and jumps off the desk. She glances around the room. “Where is everybody?” 

Alex smirks. “Well, Hank bolted when you got here and Angel just kind of left an hour ago.” 

Raven winces. “He did?” Sean nods solemnly, then cracks up, unable to hold it in. Raven mock glares at him but is clearly hiding a smile of her own. 

The scene cuts to Raven standing outside the office. “Oh, Hank? Yeah, we dated, for a while actually.” She frowns. “We actually just broke up, like, a few weeks ago.”

She crosses her arms. “Is Hank the office scapegoat?” She hums. “Well, yeah, kind of. I mean, people are kind of rude to him, especially Alex, but I think he’s just pulling his pigtails if you know what I mean.” 

She shifts her purse strap higher up on her shoulder and looks away, then back. “What’s this for again?”

The scene shifts, and she’s sitting down on a bench, a few feet away from where she’d been standing. “Yeah, I don’t work for the government, though Charles keeps trying to make me apply for a job with whatever department it is that deals with hospitals, because I’m a nurse.” 

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “What? Charles and I?” She laughs and then makes a face. “God no, he’s like, my brother, we grew up together. We were in the same class and everything, so no. Just no.” She laughs for a few more seconds and trails off, glancing off to the side. She looks back at the camera. 

“I think I’m just going to go wait in his office, if that’s ok.” She stands up and goes.

The scene shifts to Hank, sitting at his desk, typing. “I did not run away, I wish people would stop saying that. I just forgot to get the original document from the copy machine.” He glances at the camera over his glasses, frowning. 

“I’m essentially the only one who does any work around here, other than Charles.” He leans back in his chair. “I mean, you have Sean who sort of trails around after Charles and pretends to take notes at meetings.” A halfhearted ‘hey!’ is heard from off screen. Hank’s eyes flicker over to the left but then return to the camera. “Then you have Alex, who spends all of his time trying to annoy me and disrupt my work. And then you have Angel, who just does the bare minimum she can do to not get fired and then goes home at noon every other day.” The camera pans over to her desk, where Angel is sitting, painting her nails while talking on the phone. She glares at the camera when she sees it pointing at her and it swivels back to Hank, who’s typing again.

“Are we done? Because I don’t really have time for this, I have work I need to be doing.” 

Alex, who had been strolling around in the background trying to look like he wasn’t not eavesdropping, stops and laughs. “Seriously?” Hank freezes. Alex comes up behind him and puts a hand on his shoulder. He leans over to look at his computer. “Yeah, working real hard there, Charles would be impressed.” 

Hank turns red and spins around in his chair, effectively detaching him. “Do you mind?” 

Alex puts his hands up and smirks. “Naw, man, sorry I’ll let you get back to your ‘important work’. And by that I mean Minecraft.” 

Hank flushes more and spins back around. Alex walks out of the fame, still laughing. Hank glances up at the camera and adjusts his glasses nervously. “Could you maybe not tell Charles about this? Like, can this scene just not be a part of the thing?”

***

Ten minutes later, Charles bounces back into the room without warning, holding a stack of important looking papers and looking pleased. Hank practically trips over himself to get to his computer, and Alex rolls his eyes, going back to minesweeper. Angel glances up at him from where she’s still finishing up her nails, and he smiles at her. She just looks back down and keeps painting. 

He greets Alex on his way by and waves to Erik through the window. Erik raises an eyebrow at him and goes back to his phone call. Charles continues on to his office, where Sean is sitting at his desk, pretending to do work, having received a warning text from Alex seconds before. Raven is perched on his desk. 

“Raven! What a surprise, I didn’t know you were off work today.” 

Raven smiles at him and hops off his desk, giving him a hug before moving to one of the chairs. “Yeah, I traded for Friday, Janos had a date or something.” Charles nods and sticks the papers into a file cabinet before sitting down. 

She glances around. “Where’d your camera guy go?” 

Charles looks up from writing himself a note. “Down to city planning I think, to interview Darwin.” Raven hmms and looks out the window. The Parks and Rec. office is on the third floor, so she can see pretty far out onto the grounds. 

“So.” Charles sets his pen down. “What did you need to talk to me about?” 

Raven smiles. “Nothing major, just seeing if you wanted to have lunch or something since I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

Charles visibly brightens. “Of course, we just have a staff meeting and then I’m free.” 

Sean makes a pained sounding noise, and they turn to look at him. He looks up. “Oh, sorry, that wasn’t...that was my bad.” 

Raven laughs, Charles looks confused, then glances over at the door. “Oh, Sean, I almost forgot, they want to interview you as well. Do you have a minute?” 

Sean glances down at his notepad, which was covered in pictures of Hank as a giant fluffy beast person, Alex as a laser beam shooting superhero, and him flying. “Uh...yeah.” He follows the camera guy out.

Sean sits in the empty conference room. “So I just like, look at the camera right?” He glances out of the frame. “Oh, ok.” He shifts, getting comfortable. “Uh, pretty much my job is to assist Charles in whatever he needs. Or well, that’s what I do, I think my like, literal job is a little more independent than that, but you know.” He shrugs. “I don’t really want to do work anyway.” 

“Do I like working in government?” He sort of bobbles his head. “I mean, it’s not awful. I don’t know if I want to do this like, forever, but it’s not so bad. The people are, well, not nice, but they’re fun. Alex is my best friend, and Hank really isn’t so bad. I don’t talk to Angel much, but she seems...” He trails off and winces, looking back at the camera. “God, I’m really just trying to think of something other than ‘bitchy’.” He rubs a hand over his chin and makes a face. 

He leans back in his chair. “But yeah anyway, mostly I just hang out with Alex. Sometimes I have to go with Charles to meetings and stuff, and a lot of the time they make me go down to animal control when one gets into the office, since I’m the youngest or whatever.” He glances at the camera. “How often? A lot. Did Charles say we don’t have an animal problem?” He grins and shakes his head.

The scene shifts and Sean’s walking down the hall, looking back at the camera. “I spend a lot of time running up and down halls and stairs and stuff, doing things for Charles.” He holds up a file. “Right now I’m taking this to City Planning. Charles is on some kind of rampage over the big satellite you can see from the back of the building. I don’t really know what it’s about, but he’s really into it.”

He glances over towards to the side. The camera follows and gets Raven waving as she walks past, Charles in tow, holding a bunch of binders. “Great.” The camera pans back to Sean, who’s frowning. “I think the idea binders are back.” 

***

“Ok so this is a staff meeting, we have one every two weeks to sort of see where everyone is in their respective areas.” Charles claps his hands and turns to face the table. “Alright who wants to start?” Most people stare blankly at him. The camera focuses on Sean, who is drawing again. Next to him, Angel is not even bothering to hide that she’s texting.

Hank raises his hand and Alex snorts, leaning back in his chair. Charles gives him a stern look but otherwise lets it slide. “Yes, Hank, why don’t you give your report.” Hank gets up and walks around the table, plugging in his computer to the projector. A PowerPoint comes up, ‘Hunting Registration and Campground Rules’. 

Alex groans and puts his head on the table. The scene cuts to Angel, sitting at her desk, typing and ignoring the camera. She glances over. “Yeah, I don’t actually have anything to say I just wanted to get out of the meeting. Is Hank still going?” The camera swivels 90 degrees to the open conference room door, and focuses on Hank, holding a pointer and addressing the room. It moves back to Angel. “He is, isn’t he?” 

It cuts back to the conference room, where Hank is shutting his laptop. Charles claps politely, Erik belatedly following suit after Sean nudges him. Charles stands up. “Thank you, Hank that was most informative.” The camera pans the room, Alex is asleep, and Angel is back in her chair, looking bored and resentful.

Charles gives Hank an encouraging shoulder pat as he moves back to his seat. He smiles briefly at the camera before turning back to the rest of the group. “Yes well, as you can see we’re almost out of time-” Sean grins starts to stand, punching Alex in the arm to wake him up as he goes. Alex jerks awake and has to rapidly readjust to keep from falling out of his chair. Erik hides a smile behind his coffee cup. Charles glares at them, but doesn’t really look angry. “I said almost Sean, I have one more announcement to make, and it isn’t good news for the department.” Erik visibly perks up. 

Charles shuffles some papers on his desk. “The city is ah, apparently having some financial issues that is going to have to be dealt with. A mister-” He glances down at a paper. “Sebastian Shaw is coming from Albany to help resolve these issues.” 

“So they’re coming to...what? Downsize us?” Hank furrows his eyebrows in concern. “Are some of us going to be fir- let go?” 

Alex throws a paper airplane at his head. “Come on, you only care because you know you’re the weak link Hank.” 

Hank catches it and glares. “Yes, because I’m really the biggest example of waste in this department.” Alex grins and opens his mouth to respond but Charles interrupts him. 

“All we know is that they’re coming to help fix the budget, and no, I’m not going to let anyone get fired. I can promise you that.” The camera focuses on Erik, who glances over at it and shakes his head slightly.

The scene shifts to a view of Erik's’ office, the view partially limited by it’s position outside the open door looking in.

“I’m just concerned that they’re going to come in and try to get rid of everything good we’ve built here.” Charles runs a hand through his hair, looking distressed. Erik leans against the front of his desk, facing Charles, who’s pacing across the length of his office. 

Erik shifts and glances away. “They’re just coming to get rid of unneeded spending. It’ll be good in the long term. Good for the city as a whole” 

Charles shoots him an annoyed look, but can’t quite hold onto it. “You’re happy about this.” He accuses.

Erik raises an eyebrow at him. “Yes, I am. The government shouldn’t-” Charles laughs and comes to lean next to him on the desk, their shoulders almost touching. 

“I have a feeling that we’re about to revisit old arguments, my friend.” He smiles. “I know how you feel about the role of government.”

Erik nods. “Then you’re aware that I’m going to be in support of this Shaw person. You know just as well as I do that things need to change before the city suffers economic collapse.” 

Charles sighs and looks away. “Yes, I know. I just hope they don’t try to uproot us too much.” 

Erik lifts his hand, then glances over at the camera for the first time. He scowls, and stalks over to shut the door. The scene shifts.

Sean is sitting on Alex’s desk, helping him make a giant chain of markers. He glances up at the camera. “Yeah, Azazel the shoe shine guy brought a whole box of these in like ten minutes ago, so we’re seeing how long of a chain we can make before it either falls apart or Charles comes back.” 

Alex is standing about ten feet away, supporting the growing chain. He looks over. “Azazel’s a cool guy. He always brings us the shit he finds in the storage room in exchange for a digit at a time of Raven’s phone number.” Hank, who is walking through the background, stops to glare at him. 

“I sincerely hope that isn’t true.” 

Alex glances over at him and grins. “Relax Hank, I’m just kidding, Az is just our bro.” Hank gives him a critical look and stalks off, back to his desk. 

The camera switches to Sean, who shakes his head and smirks, leaning forward. “We’re at digit number five. She’s going to kill us.” 

The camera pans to the window of Charles’ office, where Raven is sitting behind his desk, flipping through a magazine. It moves back to Sean, who frowns and goes back to his marker chain. 

The scene shifts to Angel sitting at her desk, typing. “Am I worried about Shaw?” She rolls her eyes, not looking away from the screen. “Not really. If anyone is going to get fired it’ll either be Alex or Sean, or Charles will sacrifice himself for the good of the department or something.” She glances out of the frame, the camera follows. Alex and Hank are seated behind their desks, and Sean is nowhere to be seen. It moves back to Angel. “Charles is back.” She says by way of explanation, and goes back to typing.

***

Alex glances across the room, to where Hank is seated, typing away. He looks back at the camera. “Hank thinks he’s going to get fired when Shaw gets here, so he’s working super hard and running a whole bunch of errands for Charles, in an effort to make himself as important as possible.” He smirks and rolls his eyes. “It won’t be him, obviously, it’ll be Angel, but whatever.” 

Hank stands up and moves to the copy machine on the other side of the room distractedly, his back to Alex and the camera. 

Alex grins and stands up, holding something pink in his left hand. He darts over to Hank’s desk, deposits it, and runs back, throwing himself down in his chair as Hank turns around, copies in hand. Alex pretends to be texting as he passes, and watches as he sits down, the whoopee cushion emitting a dramatically loud sound as he does. Hank freezes, stunned, then whips around to stare at Alex, who’s smirking at him. 

Hank stands up and snatches it out of his chair. “Seriously?” He yells, glaring. 

Alex puts his hands up, grinning. “Hey man don’t look at me, it was Angel.” The camera pans to Angel, who is sitting at her desk, filling her nails. She raises an eyebrow at it. 

Hank growls and stalks out of the room, grabbing an arm full of papers as he goes. Alex settles behind his desk, looking satisfied. The scene cuts to Sean, sitting behind his desk in Charles’ office, looking amused.

“Does Alex have a thing for Hank?” He grins. “Yeah, he totally does. He won’t admit it though, and honestly, I don’t think it’s because he’s embarrassed or anything, I think he might just not know.” He glances over through the open door to where he can see Alex’s desk. “He’s kind of an idiot.” 

Sean shrugs and adjusts something on his desk. “I’m pretty sure everyone knows, except for him.” He hesitates. “And probably Hank, too. I don’t think he knows either.” He smirks. “Which is part of what makes them perfect for each other, really.”

The scene shifts to Erik, seated at his desk with his arms crossed, looking unamused. “Alex and Hank? How would I know?” He glares at the camera, which shifts away slightly, then moves back. “I make a point of not keeping track of their personal lives, it encourages them to feel like I’m their friend or some other nonsense.” He shifts in his chair and uncrosses his arms, glancing out of the frame. The camera follows his gaze to the window. Alex is sitting behind his desk, blatantly staring at Hank as he bends over to pick up some dropped papers. The camera pans back to Erik. He glances at it, and then down at his desk, shuffling papers. “If I had to make an educated guess though, I would say yes. He does.” 

He stands. “Now get out of my office, Shaw is going to be here in about two hours and I need to plan.”

***

“Hello everyone! My name is Sebastian Shaw.” The man claps his hands and sweeps his gaze around the room. Charles looks vaguely distressed, Erik looks quietly amused. Behind them, Angel and Alex wear twin expressions of boredom, except that Alex is shooting continued annoyed glances at Hank, who is in turn shooting desperate glances at Raven, who is ignoring everyone and actually focusing on what Shaw was saying. Sean is drawing again.

Shaw continues. “Now, I’m sure you’ve all heard some scary things about us, about how we’re here to slash and burn and wreak havoc on you department and blah blah blah.” He waves a hand in front of him. Charles narrows his eyes slightly. 

Shaw grins at him. “But we’re not here to do that, we’re just here to balance the budget, and get things moving again at a healthy pace, so that the government of Westchester can keep on doing what it does best, all right?” Charles still looks slightly suspicious, but reassured none the less. Erik just looks amused, and eyes the blonde, severe looking woman standing behind him. Shaw claps his hands again. “Right. So on that note, I’m sorry I have to go, but my associate Miss Frost will get you all up to speed on everything you need to know.” 

He gives them all a thumbs up and jogs out of the room. The camera follows him right to the door, then swivels back to where Charles is moving towards Emma, who is shuffling through a briefcase. He smiles agreeable and extends his hand to shake hers.

“Miss Frost, let me just say that I’m very much looking forward to working with you, and I think that we’re going to be able to work out a compromise that will benefit the both of us.” She straightens and gives him a hard look, smoothing down her already perfectly smooth white pencil skirt. 

“Mr. Xavier, I’m going to be very frank with you. This economic situation your local government is in is a quantitative disaster. It may not be fixable.” Charles shifts and puts his hand down, glancing over at Erik, then back at Emma, who continues. “We’ve been sent here to evaluate and cut all non-essential spending to try to get it back under control.”

Charles furrows his eyebrows. “So what you’re saying is...?” 

She holds out an official looking paper. “I’m saying that effective tomorrow and until further notice, the entire government of Westchester is being shut down. Only essential departments will be left running, and only at their most basic functions.” 

Charles blinks, shocked. He grabs the paper and stares down at it. He looks back up at her. “But isn’t Parks and Recreation essential?”

Behind him, Erik leans over and laughs.

The scene shifts to Shaw, who is standing outside the mansion next to a car, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off, stuffing it in his brief case. Underneath, he’s wearing under armor. He starts to pull off his shoes. “Yes, I’m a bit of a health nut. I run a half marathon everyday, twice on weekends when I don’t have to work. That’s a full marathon, twice a week.” He opens the car door and pulls out a pair of sneakers. “Why do I do this? Because it’s good for me. And I think that taking care of your body is the most important thing you can do for yourself.” 

Shaw leans against the car, pulling off his pants, the camera rises to frame just his top half. He laughs and straightens. “Scientists believe, that the man who will live to be a hundred and fifty has already been born.” He pauses and puts a hand on his chest. “I believe I am that human being.” The camera backs up to get his full body again. 

The scene shifts to Shaw standing under a tree about fifty feet away. He’s dressed entirely in under armor. “Look at my face.” He points to himself. “No, come closer.” The camera moves closer to his face, and he leans in, turning his head from side to side. “Do I look fifty years old? Well, I am.” He grins and leans against the tree, grabbing his leg and stretching it. “Clean living is my secret. Keeps me young.” He winks, and takes off running. The camera follows him as he gets to the parking lot. He gives a stranger a high five and keeps on running.

The scene shifts to the patio at the back of the building, the giant satellite visible in the background. Angel is sitting at one of the benches, flipping through a magazine. “Yeah, I left when Charles started having a panic attack.” She flips a page. “I guess I’m nervous that I’m going to loose my job, but like, it’s kind of whatever.” She glances over to the side. “There’s Shaw again.” She rolls her eyes. “He’s run past here like ten times already. Watch, he’ll try to give me another high five.” 

Shaw runs by and holds out his hand for a high five. She ignores him and looks at the camera with a smirk. “He’ll be back in like a minute and do it again.” 

The scene shifts to the office where Sean is sitting on the main counter with his back to the rest of the room, swinging his legs. “Well, after Frost left to go wreak havoc on another department or whatever, Charles locked himself in his office and now he won’t come out.” He gestures to the far right corner of the office. “Erik went back into his office too, and from the look of it-” Sean turns to look at the window to Erik’s office, where Erik can be seen leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed above his head, smiling. He turns back. “He seems to be taking the whole thing well.” 

In the background, Alex can be seen slamming the phone down on it’s cradle and shoving away from his desk. 

Sean raises an eyebrow. “Why is Alex pissed off?” He grins. “Gee, I don’t know, maybe because they’re shutting down the department?” The camera pans to the left, where Hank and Raven are standing next to Hank’s desk, not arguing for once, and then focuses on Alex, who is glaring at them. It moves back to Sean, who nods. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

The scene cuts to Emma, who is standing outside a door labeled ‘City Planning’. She glances up from her notebook and glares. “I saw a raccoon in one of the elevators.” 

***

Raven is coming out of Charles’ office, a concerned look on her face, when she spots the raccoon. “Oh my god!” She jerks back, colliding with the door. 

Sean and Alex look up from their respective positions at Alex’s desk, and Sean yelps, pointing at it. “Raccoon! Raccoon in the office!” 

The raccoon looks up from where it’s digging through the tipped over trash can. The camera zooms in on it’s face and it blinks, owl-like. It back up as Hank walks in through the main door, right next to it, holding a folder. Raven waves her arms, beckoning him over. She doesn’t look like she can talk. He stops and gives her a weird look.

Alex stands up, looking like he wants to crawl onto his desk but is restraining himself. “Hank, just come over here, slowly.” 

Hank ignores him in favor of looking around, trying to find the danger. He spots the raccoon almost immediately and jumps, scrambling to get away from it. “Holy shit!” He bolts to the right, making for the corner near the copy machine. The raccoon moves towards him. 

Sean runs to Charles’ door and bangs on it. The raccoon hisses. Raven screams. Hank looks like he’s going to pass out as the raccoon ambles towards him. 

Suddenly, Erik’s door bangs open, hitting the opposite wall. “What the hell is going on-” He breaks off, spotting the raccoon, and darts back inside his office. 

Raven calls after him, “Wait! Where are you-” But he’s back already, holding the German knife. Alex swears and scrambles away from him, as Charles runs out of his office, Sean in tow.

“What’s- Erik!” 

Erik keeps on moving towards the raccoon, knife raised. “Don’t worry Charles, I’m taking care of this.” 

Charles moves forward, but Raven grabs him by the arm, stopping him. “Erik, don’t do this! That’s an innocent raccoon!” 

Sean, who’s on Alex’s desk at this point, calls out, sounding panicked “Am I the only one who thinks this is insane?” 

“No!” Hank yells out, as the raccoon spins to face Erik, hissing. He tries to inch away from the corner without actually getting any closer to it. “Raccoons don’t behave like this!” 

Erik raises the knife, yelling, as Charles lurches towards him. The raccoon rears back, and jumps. Alex swears, Raven puts her hand over her ears and screams. 

The scene jumps to Sean, who is sitting at his desk inside Charles’ office. He’s leaning on one elbow. “Well, the good news is, Erik did not end up killing a raccoon in the office with a Nazi knife.” He shifts and runs a hand through his hair. “But the bad news is, the raccoon escaped, and is now somewhere loose in the building, and it also bit Erik, so he and Charles are at the hospital right now, making sure he doesn’t have rabies.” He glances off to the side. “The really bad news is, someone has to report it to animal control.” He looks back at the camera. “And it’s not going to be me.” 

The scene shifts again to the office, where Hank, Angel, Raven, and Alex are all standing around Hank’s desk. Angel pokes Hank in the arm. “You should do it, you’re the one who saw it up close, you can describe it for them.” 

Hank throws up his arms. “It’s a raccoon! How much do you think they need it described?” Alex rolls his eyes. 

Raven glares at him and crosses her arms, looking shaken still. “Just do it Hank. Be a man for once in your life.” 

Hank blinks at her. “But, I-” She huffs and stalks off, out of the frame. Hank colors. 

Alex glances at him sideways and then looks away. Angel pulls out a nail file.

The scene cuts to Hank standing in front of an elevator. “Animal control is...” He trails off and winces, looking down. “It’s awful. It’s in the old bunker in the basement. Sean calls it ‘the danger room’. Nobody wants to go down there.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And I mean, I don’t generally consider myself to be a weak person, but the head of the department scares the crap out of me.” He adjusts his glasses nervously. “People call him the Wolverine.” He shakes his head, looking off to the side, and blinks. 

The camera backs up, showing Alex coming down the hallway. He stops short when he sees the camera filming him, and flushes. 

***

The scene shifts again, back to Sean, still sitting at his desk. He turns around to look behind him, out the window and into the office. Hank is there, sitting at his desk, not doing anything. Sean turns back. “So, apparently, Alex offered to go down to animal control for him, and from the looks of it-” He glances back again. “Hank doesn’t know what to think.” Sean spreads his hands.

“Alex does this thing occasionally where he changes up his game. Instead of being horribly mean to Hank, he’s really nice to him, for like, a day. Except, once again, I don’t think he’s actually aware of it, consciously, which is pretty funny.” He smiles. “I think he has these moments of clarity every two weeks or so where he seems to get that being an ass to people doesn’t make them like you.” He shrugs. “He’ll probably relapse back into pigtail pulling by lunch tomorrow though, so I wouldn’t worry.” 

The scene jumps to Charles and Emma, sitting in the courtyard at a table covered in binders. Charles smiles fixedly and run a hand through his hair, messing it up. Emma is pulling papers out of a file. She sets them on one of the few empty spaces left by the binders. “So, Mr. Xavier-”

He nods. “Charles, please, Miss Frost.” 

She purses her lips slightly and pointedly does not offer him her first name in turn. “Charles. Lets begin by evaluating where you think there is waste in the department.” 

Charles straightens. “The Parks and Recreation Department doesn’t have any waste. Everything we do is one hundred percent necessary.” He gestures broadly with his hands. “Our department head, Erik, believes that we should be able to operate at a fairly minimal level of funds and operations, I actually believe that we could do so much more if-” Emma clears her throat and glances down at her papers. 

“Tell me about...Hank McCoy.” Charles stares at her blankly for a second before recovering. 

His face darkens. “Are you saying that my people are in danger of being let go?”

“That depends.” She says, completely neutrally. 

Charles bristles. “On?”

She gives him a look. “On whether or not I judge that they’re necessary for the department to do it’s job.” 

Charles makes a face and leans forward. “Well they’re all necessary. I can’t do without any of them.” 

She raises an eyebrow, and taps her papers with one perfectly shaped nail. “How about Sean Cassidy? What exactly does he do in the office? Besides goof around with the other one, the blond.” 

Charles glares. “Alex.” 

She waves her hand. “Whatever. What specifically is his job?”

Charles shifts is his seat, clutching at his binders. “He’s directly under me. He organizes meetings, keeps files, and is also in charge of many community projects.” 

Emma drums her fingers. “Such as?”

“Such as community sports. He actually runs one of the boys basketball teams in the winter, and leads a youth camping group in the summer.” 

The scene cuts to Sean, back at his desk, typing. He looks up. “Yeah I do run those. Basketball is ok most of the time, except for games because I don’t actually know any of the rules, so we don’t really _win_ necessarily, and they’re not strictly speaking learning anything, but we run around a lot and get ice cream sometimes.” He shrugs. “Alex comes down and helps by throwing balls at them to teach them how to dodge.” He pauses. “Which I guess you don’t really need to know how to do for the game, but it’s probably a good skill to have in the long term.” He smiles and leans back in his chair. “But yeah as of this year I don’t actually lead the camping thing anymore after what happened.” He puts his arms down and goes back to typing. 

The camera cuts back to Charles and Emma, leaning over to look at her papers. Charles points to one. “That’s Angel Salvadore, she’s in charge of community outreach. She’s an excellent people person and just a real credit to the office, and it would be devastating for the department to loose her.” 

Emma sighs. “Mr. Xavier, what if I told you that in order for us to justify keeping this department, we needed to cut at least half of its expenses.” 

Charles blinks, owl-like. “Half?” 

“At least.” She smooths her perfect hair. “So I need you to tell me who you can actually afford to loose, not who you wouldn’t mind loosing, not who isn’t just the best friend you’ve ever had in the whole world. I need to know who the department can feasibly do without.” 

Charles faces darkens. “Look, I don’t know what makes you think that you can just-”

“Come into your city, destroy your lives and get rid of all the fun government projects that it can’t afford to support?” Charles colors, glaring. “Listen to me Mr. Xavier, I understand that you feel threatened by this, and I understand your frustration, but you need to accept that this is the fault of your own government. It’s not us.” She stands up, gathering her papers and clipping her bag shut. “I’ll get the rest of what I need from the archives. Thank you for your time.” She turns and leaves. 

Charles grimaces, glances at the camera and then sullenly begins to gather up his binders. The camera pans back over to where Emma is walking through the courtyard entrance and then swivels over to a nearby window where Erik is standing, hands in pockets, watching Charles. After a few moments, he catches sight of the camera pointed at him, scowls and moves away. 

***

The camera cuts to Shaw, knocking on the door to Erik's office while Alex studiously ignores him in favor of his computer. He turns to face to camera. “I’m here to see if we can’t work something out over this whole shutting down the government thing.” There’s no response from within and he expectantly turns to Alex who picks up the phone immediately when it rings. He gives him a half smile-half grimace, swiveling his chair sideways and mouthing ‘it’s important’ to Shaw, who nods graciously. He turns back to the camera and smiles. “Dedication. So important in a government job.” 

The door opens and Erik motions Shaw in. Shaw nods, smiling. Shall we?” Erik steps aside for him to enter. He catches Alex’s eye and raises an eyebrow at his apparent new decision to take calls. Alex shrugs and Erik gives him a look before closing his door. 

Alex immediately hangs up the phone and leans back in his chair, eyebrows furrowed, staring across the office. The camera follows his gaze to Hank, who is pointedly not looking anywhere but at his screen, his desk phone lying off the hook. Behind him, Angel rolls her eyes, gets up and hangs it up for him. Hank flushes but does not look up. 

The scene shifts to the office, where Shaw is admiring the Shark vs. Shark picture as Erik settles behind his desk. Shaw turns, and stops. “What happened to your face?” Erik raises his hand to rub at the deep, suspiciously raccoon-like scratches. He glances at the camera. “Nothing.” 

Shaw follows his gaze, then looks back at Erik. “Ok. Well, let’s get started-” Erik holds up a hand, effectively cutting him off. Shaw blinks. 

“Let me stop you right there.” He glares at the camera. 

The scene cuts to the main part of the office. Everyone in the department, plus Raven, is scattered around the room, their attention focused on Shaw, who is standing in the center, flanked by Emma. 

He claps his hands, looking excited. “So! I’m here to announce that, after a very insightful conversation with Mr. Lensherr, we have decided that the Parks and Recreation Department will remain open.” 

Silence. Emma shifts her weight, crossing her arms neatly over her chest. “For now. With minimal functions.” 

Shaw raises his arms. “Isn’t that great?”

Charles whips his head around to stare at Erik, who is studiously looking at the ground. Sean cheers, Alex slaps him on the back. Raven jumps up and throws her arms around Hank’s neck, who pales but hugs her back. Angel yawns. 

Shaw clears his throat and claps his hands. “Great, so I’ve got to go attend to business in City Planning, but I’ll let Emma sort out the details.” He jogs out of the room. No one notices. 

Alex jumps onto his desk. “Party at Hank’s house!” Cheers, accompanied by Hank’s ‘what?!’.

The desk collapses.


End file.
